writing cert. 1st gradeTen years ago in March, I ventured into the unknown, signed the incorporation papers in the State of New Jersey and launched my company. Susan Young Media Relations has since morphed into Get in Front Communications (more name change/incorporation papers, this time in Texas). A time of celebration, of looking back, of lessons learned. This is my ”Entrepreneur’s Baby Book.” Please, indulge me. I promise there are no photo’s of me sitting on Santa’s lap.

Year 1 - In business, we don’t call it “first steps and learning to walk.” We call it hustle. I had real paying clients and wrote on the white board in my home office: “My job is to make the phone ring.” Lesson Learned: A good reputation, customer service and referrals are priceless.

Year 2- “The Terrible Two’s” = September 11th. I work with the media in New Jersey and New York and have to educate my clients that unless their story is in someway connected to the horrific events of 9/11, they are on hold indefinitely  for news pitches and coverage.   Lesson Learned: There’s not a business school or book that could have trained me for this. Like parents, I had to fly by the seat of my pants. There was no manual or protocol. I remember my own children and their “Terrible Two’s:  This too shall pass.” 

Year 3- The Growth Spurt. No one could promote my company better than I could. I started focusing on speaking and writing, which led to more clients. Advertisers would call and ask if I wanted to pay for an ad in their publication. I told them I don’t advertise. They asked how do I get my clients.  They come to me. Lesson Learned: Growth spurts often bring aches and pains along the way. It’s called experience. It’s all there for a reason.

Year 4- “I Think I Can, I Think I Can-Whew!”  I passed the dreaded 1-year and 3-year mark of when the naysayers chant most small businesses fail in the first few years. I was on a roll and enjoying my work. I came to depend on and cherish the wisdom and insights of my mentors. I hired a freelance writer and was just itching to move into an office and continue growing and helping people.  Lesson Learned: Delegating is a good thing. Having the support of others,especially family, is key. So is admitting you don’t know everything.

Year 5- Recognition! Like a 5-year-old graduating from preschool, I received validation for my hard work. I won the “Entrepreneur of the Year” Award from a local Chamber of Commerce. I now had an office suite, an admin, a Virtual Assistant and two part-time writers. People I knew, especially former colleagues in radio and news, blatantly told me they were jealous. My response: Don’t be jealous. I worked my ass off. Nobody handed me anything. Lesson Learned: Put your head down and work. Oh, and have a good accountant.

Year 6- “I Can Do It Myself!”  Actually, I didn’t want to do it myself. I was like a kid who fought fiercely to be independent. I did have to admit I lacked the systems that others needed so they could perform their jobs. Much of what I did and the processes were all in my head and not documented anywhere. Lesson Learned: I am a self-employed individual working for a lunatic. 

Year 7- “Mommy, is the Wish Fairy real?”  I continued to focus on my professional and personal development, which I had done since 2001. I was living my dream and reaping the rewards of my hard work. When the entrepreneurial roller coaster dipped, I had to stop my occasional self-induced funk and remind myself the Wish Fairy ain’t coming. Lesson Learned: I decide how much money I will make…or not. Use the discipline and tools to grow your mind, positive attitude and skills. The Wish Fairy crashed and burned. Sorry princess. In other words, if you don’t want to do this, dig out your resume and go find a job. 

Year 8- “Mommy, I lost another tooth. That’s ok, it’s better than me, I lost a major client today. Oh well, you’ll get another tooth soon and I’ll  get another client.”  Like the  tooth, some changes (or fall-out) provide us clues in advance. And like the lost client, sometimes the clues are much more subtle. I was now in San Antonio, Texas with PR clients and speaking engagements in two states. I worked with a lot of banks and real estate -related businesses in New Jersey and the market tanked. Lesson Learned: You’ll have to earn your way out of it. 

Year 9: It’s time to learn. I was transitioning out of  the comfort zone of my old school and was forced to embrace my new school. You know, the one on the highway named Technology. Over the  past few years, the media market and contacts I had known had literally disappeared. Newsrooms were barely staffed and resources were cut to the bone. I had developed new ideas and projects to re-invent my company and rejuvenate myself. Some worked, and some didn’t. But now the buzz of course was Social Media and technology. This was kinda cool. The conversations are no longer one-way streets. Interactive was one of my favorite new spelling words.  Lesson Learned: If you’re not growing, you’re dying.

Year 10: OMG, OMG, OMG!!! Where the hell did the time go? Yes, the entrepreneurial roller coaster almost crashed and burned a few times. However, the views from top of the steep incline with the wind blowing in my hair and the sun warming my face reminds me that the exuberant and exciting times overshadow the dips and plunges.  Would I do it again? Oh yes! I am SO proud of myself. And if I close up shop tomorrow, I will still be SO proud of myself. Lesson Learned: If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. Stay with it.

Pass the cake please…

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I Won business womanDuring the past 100 years, women have made tremendous strides in fighting for equality and a level playing field. We have demanded the right to vote (Suffragette Alice Paul was from my homestate of New Jersey and refused to be silenced), burned our bra’s, marched on Washington, pushed for more equitable pay scales and so much more. We have also felt unsure of ourselves when we arrived at work in a pricey business suit only to realize there was a baby formula stain on the shoulder. And yes, we have cried in the restroom. Tears are not recommended in the workplace, unless you have just made gobs of money from an IPO and you are crying tears of joy. 

Whether you’re a man or woman, please don’t leave just yet! I promise this is not a blowhard Jane Fonda-type platform to bash the guys, or anyone  else. This space is to learn and better understand why women in the workplace communicate the way we do. It’s especially important as we celebrate Women’s History Month.

Many of our successes can be attributed to our communication. Successful women have learned to walk with authority and grace (despite high heels), to demand answers and not settle for stonewalling, and to balance compassion with firmness.

Open Ears, Closed Mouth

When Christie Whitman was elected New Jersey’s 50th governor (and the first woman to hold the post), she was like a breath of fresh air. I met Whitman in 1984, when I was starting my radio news career in Central New Jersey. At the time, Whitman was in county government.  For more than ten years, I had the pleasure to interview her many times. I was fortunate to spend nearly every day with her when I served as Deputy Director of the Governor’s Office of Radio and Television at the State House in Trenton.

While not everyone agreed with her ideas and policies, Whitman won praise for her communication style. Her predecessor Jim Florio was criticized for not welcoming public comment as he pushed his income tax hike through the legislature. Voters may have been willing to deal with the tax but they didn’t like being ignored. Whitman listened to people’s opinions. She may not have heeded all the advice, but people appreciated having their voices heard.

The Epitome of a Good Listener

Listening is a critical skill not only in politics but in business. I was with Governor Whitman and the state press corps almost daily. Regardless of the tone of a press conference, whether planned or on the spur of the moment, she never interrupted a question and she never belittled anyone. When she knew the answer, she gave it. When she didn’t know, she admitted it and offered to find out. Then she followed up. She was, and still is, the epitome of a good listener.  She was tough when she was pushed but she was fair. Whether it was communications hardball with Donald Trump or the horrific sadness of a little girl’s murder that sparked the sex offender notification law (“Megan’s Law”), Christie Whitman was a model communicator. By watching and listening to her, I learned how women can be outstanding communicators. When I look back now, I realize I had one of the best mentors.

In addition to finding your own mentor, women can consider these communication tips:  

  1.  Avoid weak words. Many women use expressions like “I feel” and “I wish.”  Use factual and declarative statements and not emotional language.  Deliver your message with confidence. 
  2. Give a firm handshake. A firm handshake accompanied by eye contact and a smile says “Let’s talk business. I’m ready.” Make that important first impression.
  3. Stop over-apologizing. You are not responsible for the rainstorm, bad waitress service, or the Jets loss in overtime. Limit your apologies. Over-apologizing seems to be a female thing.
  4. Leave your personal life outside the office door. Small talk about a family trip, hobby or birthday party is fine but spewing ugly details for more than thirty seconds can be too much.  Stick to the business at hand.  
  5. Take credit. Women  by nature tend to nurture (teamwork and community) while men tend to compete for a top leadership role (the guys focus on the triangle mentality and want to be alone, in the point at the top). The result is that women use the word “we” when it was really “you” who spearheaded the project, created a new marketing plan or saved the firm $2 million last quarter. This is not about community, arrogance or ego; it’s about being proud of your accomplishments and talent…peppered with humility and self-confidence.
  6. Leverage your voice. People tend to listen to men more (consider kids who are being disciplined- when Dad raises his voice, watch out!) That’s because the sound, timber and tone of deep male vocal cords have a strong and authoritative impact on our ears.  Women with higher pitched voices are often interpreted as weak, like a soft bird singing in the wind, or nagging…Be aware of your vocal habits. If  necessary,work with a speech coach to make improvements.  
  7. Believe in yourself. Communicate positive affirmations and messages to yourself every day. Be brave and take initiative. Women often use self-limiting mindsets because they are afraid to fail. Men fail all the time and aren’t typically embarrassed or apologetic. They applaud themselves for trying. You can too. You are so much better than you think you are.   

Women who want on-the-job training to improve their communciation skills need not look far. Simply start paying close attention to how the men are doing it. 

 

(Photo Credit: Search Engine People Blog)

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10 Listening Blocks to Effective Communication

March 1, 2010

I’ve been studying a cutting-edge communication and conflict resolution model called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. DBT addresses communication and listening skills, mindfulness, rapport and Emotional Intelligence (compassion, empathy and assertive communication). In a book titled Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook, the authors identify 10 ways that people sabotage their effective listening abilities.
Do these Listening Blocks sound familiar [...]

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Building Rapport in Social Media: Tapping into Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP)

February 23, 2010

One of the most exciting discoveries in business communication and psychology in the past 30 years has been the development of a communication and rapport-building tool called Neurolinguistic Programming.
If you’re not familiar with NLP, here’s the quick thumbnail. NLP was developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the 1970s at the University of Santa [...]

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5 Tips to Simplify Your Business Writing

February 19, 2010

One of the most critical skills in communication and business is the ability to express yourself in a clear and concise manner. Keeping things simple in our “crazy busy worlds”, where we are inundated with too much information (”TMI”), can be a challenge. If you think it’s difficult to say it simply, writing it can be even tougher. [...]

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5 Tips to Building Sales & Credibility with Vocal Vitality

February 17, 2010

Making your words come alive is an integral piece of your communication.
Many of you know I was an on-air radio news anchor and news reporter for more than 10 years. In my college broadcasting classes, my favorite professor taught me that radio is “theater of the mind.” He then showed me and my classmates the importance of [...]

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21 Signs that Social Media Has Taken Over the World

February 5, 2010

I break from my usual blogging theme of communication and public relations to bring you “The 21 Signs that Social Media Has Taken Over the World”:

 Your baby is born in the hospital and the nurse asks,  ”What’s the baby’s handle so we can fill out his birth certificate?”
The sign on the restaurant door says: “No shirt, no [...]

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Doing Better On Twitter: 3 Tips To Tweet By

February 4, 2010

I am happy to welcome Guest Blogger Mike Stenger. We invite you to leave a comment!  
Twitter is an interesting place. Who would have thought short exchanges of information, whether it’s about your latest blog post or even just saying hey to someone, could be such a wonderful and amazing concept. Many of us use Twitter [...]

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Bridging Communication Gaps: 20 Ways to Improve Your Interpersonal Relationships

February 2, 2010

“Play nice!”  Every person over the age of 18 has either heard this shriek from their parents or spewed these words to their own little ones. 
Sometimes business professionals need a polite reminder to “play nice.” Meetings, projects, challenging work environments, personality clashes, generational gaps and shrinking budgets, along with personal stress, can wreak havoc on our communication skills and interpersonal relationships.  
I want to [...]

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Building Success with Your Communications Toolbox

January 28, 2010

When I first met my husband Andrew in 1987, he lived in a studio apartment on Avenue Z in Brooklyn, NY. One day we went went to hang up a picture and he pulled out his toolbox. I was mortified. Inside lay a kiddie circus light on a tattered string and a rusted butter knife. For [...]

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