How to Improve Your Communication with Responses, Not Reactions

Questions and answers make up most of our everyday thoughts and conversations. More often than not, we tend to react to a question instead of respond to it. This can create a communication debacle. It can also keep us on the surface of life instead of delving a bit deeper.

When we respond to questions, we open the dialogue to more questions and different kinds of answers. The quality of our communication will change. These enhanced and deeper conversations lead to new levels of creativity in business and life. There is a significant difference between reactions and responses.

In his book Fire in the Heart, Deepak Chopra writes that reactions come automatically while responses take  thought. Most of the time, we go through our days and simply provide reactions. Chopra gives an example of going out to lunch and the server asks, “Would you want a salad or a hamburger?” An immediate reaction would be “hamburger.” A response would be, “Is it a hamburger or a cheeseburger? Does it come with French fries?”

Room to Think

According to Chopra, reactions are mechanical. When we pause, most reactions easily turn into responses.

The habit of responding takes just two or three seconds. It also requires a bit of our brain power. Yikes you think?!  Chopra points out, we will get the reaction first because it simply pops out without us having to do much. We’re on autopilot. But the key is that something new will happen when you give yourself  room to think.

The deepest responses come from the soul. Pausing to see what’s truly inside of you often brings gifts that you may not have been aware of –if only you  had opted for a response.

Leaders Don’t Speak in Haste 

I recently attended a meeting that was very slow-paced in its dynamics. The person running the meeting spoke slowly. His words were deliberate. It was obvious to the others that every word that crossed this man’s lips was chosen carefully. He was not rushed or a victim of reaction. Even when a colleague pressed him on a deadline, the man never became defensive or spoke in haste.  When others spoke fast and frenzied, he held back. He used my method of communication: P-R-R. Pause, Reflect, Respond. It was obvious that he was a team leader, and for good reason. 

Slowing it Down  

When we allow ourselves just a few seconds of thought instead of blurting out an immediate answer, we allow the dynamic of the conversation to collectively take a deep breath. We slow it down.

Slowing down in our communication can be a good thing. Our world today moves oh so fast. It’s ok to come up for air. Slow down the pace a bit. Silence is ok.

You may want to try this:   go through a 24-hour period with responses and not reactions. See how you do.

(Photo Credit:The B@gman)

Tagged as: Business, communications, Deepak Chopra, Interpersonal Communication, listening, Self-Confidence, speaking