Women in Business: 7 Ways to Improve Your Communication

During the past 100 years, women have made tremendous strides in fighting for equality and a level playing field. We have demanded the right to vote (Suffragette Alice Paul was from my homestate of New Jersey and refused to be silenced), burned our bra’s, marched on Washington, pushed for more equitable pay scales and so much more. We have also felt unsure of ourselves when we arrived at work in a pricey business suit only to realize there was a baby formula stain on the shoulder. And yes, we have cried in the restroom. Tears are not recommended in the workplace, unless you have just made gobs of money from an IPO and you are crying tears of joy. 

Whether you’re a man or woman, please don’t leave just yet! I promise this is not a blowhard Jane Fonda-type platform to bash the guys, or anyone  else. This space is to learn and better understand why women in the workplace communicate the way we do. 

Many of our successes can be attributed to our communication. Successful women have learned to walk with authority and grace (despite high heels), to demand answers and not settle for stonewalling, and to balance compassion with firmness.

Open Ears, Closed Mouth

When Christie Whitman was elected New Jersey’s 50th governor (and the first woman to hold the post), she was like a breath of fresh air. I met Whitman in 1984, when I was starting my radio news career in Central New Jersey. At the time, Whitman was in county government.  For more than ten years, I had the pleasure to interview her many times. I was fortunate to spend nearly every day with her when I served as Deputy Director of the Governor’s Office of Radio and Television at the State House in Trenton.

While not everyone agreed with her ideas and policies, Whitman won praise for her communication style. Her predecessor Jim Florio was criticized for not welcoming public comment as he pushed his income tax hike through the legislature. Voters may have been willing to deal with the tax but they didn’t like being ignored. Whitman listened to people’s opinions. She may not have heeded all the advice, but people appreciated having their voices heard.

The Epitome of a Good Listener

Listening is a critical skill not only in politics but in business. I was with Governor Whitman and the state press corps almost daily. Regardless of the tone of a press conference, whether planned or on the spur of the moment, she never interrupted a question and she never belittled anyone. When she knew the answer, she gave it. When she didn’t know, she admitted it and offered to find out. Then she followed up. She was, and still is, the epitome of a good listener.  She was tough when she was pushed but she was fair. Whether it was communications hardball with Donald Trump or the horrific sadness of a little girl’s murder that sparked the sex offender notification law (“Megan’s Law”), Christie Whitman was a model communicator. By watching and listening to her, I learned how women can be outstanding communicators. When I look back now, I realize I had one of the best mentors.

In addition to finding your own mentor, women can consider these communication tips:  

1.  Avoid weak words. Many women use expressions like “I feel” and “I wish.”  Use factual and declarative statements and not emotional language.  Deliver your message with confidence. 
2. Give a firm handshake. A firm handshake accompanied by eye contact and a smile says “Let’s talk business. I’m ready.” Make that important first impression.
3. Stop over-apologizing. You are not responsible for the rainstorm, bad waitress service, or the Jets loss in overtime. Limit your apologies. Over-apologizing seems to be a female thing.
4. Leave your personal life outside the office door. Small talk about a family trip, hobby or birthday party is fine but spewing ugly details for more than thirty seconds can be too much.  Stick to the business at hand.  
5. Take credit. Women  by nature tend to nurture (teamwork and community) while men tend to compete for a top leadership role (the guys focus on the triangle mentality and want to be alone, in the point at the top). The result is that women use the word “we” when it was really “you” who spearheaded the project, created a new marketing plan or saved the firm $2 million last quarter. This is not about community, arrogance or ego; it’s about being proud of your accomplishments and talent…peppered with humility and self-confidence.
6. Leverage your voice. People tend to listen to men more (consider kids who are being disciplined- when Dad raises his voice, watch out!) That’s because the sound, timber and tone of deep male vocal cords have a strong and authoritative impact on our ears.  Women with higher pitched voices are often interpreted as weak, like a soft bird singing in the wind, or nagging…Be aware of your vocal habits. If  necessary,work with a speech coach to make improvements.  
7. Believe in yourself. Communicate positive affirmations and messages to yourself every day. Be brave and take initiative. Women often use self-limiting mindsets because they are afraid to fail. Men fail all the time and aren’t typically embarrassed or apologetic. They applaud themselves for trying. You can too. You are so much better than you think you are.   

Women who want on-the-job training to improve their communciation skills need not look far. Simply start paying close attention to how the men are doing it. 

 

(Photo Credit: Search Engine People Blog)

Tagged as: Attitude, Business, Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Leadership, Self-Confidence, Success, Women